Stupid name, crappy wine. Are you going to force me to say more?

Fine.

Color: Ruby to Red
Depth of Color: Medium
Clarity: Clear

Intensity: Medium
Aroma: Slight
Bouquet: Pleasant
Scents: Fruity? Floral?

Acidity: Shapeless
Sweetness: Off-Dry
Astringency: Medium
Body: Medium

Length: Long
Finish: Lingering
Balance: Unbalanced

Let's start this with, I like Merlot. Alot. And I like just about any Merlot that doesn't burn my throat.

That said, “Bah, Humbug," to this Americanized, probably chapitalized and mega purpled, swill.

You can try this with dark chocolate, but you'd be wasting good chocolate. The bottle blurb is correct though, as the dark chocolate helps cut the nasty finish.

Many would recommend cooking with something like this, but I don't cook with wines I don't like.

I couldn't find the cherry the vintner spoke of, but are there really any legal cherries left in California? Even three decades ago directors had to go below the fold to find one, so the notion of California having a surplus of the delectable fruit to export now is laughable?

It's not cheap enough for a cheap tart, nor tasty enough for a woodland nymph, so, in the unfortunate event you find yourself with this pale imitation of the nectar of the gods, drink deeply and quickly. It's not hideous enough to just discard, and the water sprites will be oh, so annoyed if you empty it into their steam, so guzzle it alone with food you care not about.

- Me